Gome of the Week
Hey, this kid is really something. He reminds me of a young Ralph Macchio, or maybe a C. Thomas Howell.











This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
The Quest for Every Beard Type - A man has to dream.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Despiser (2003)

Every so often, in my viewing of crap, I get something that just defies description and is completely different than what I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, this movie is terrible. But hidden in its terribleness is an unintentionally clever, almost artistic visual style. The film is extremely low-budget. However, it is heavy with unneeded special effects, such as something as simple as all four characters riding in a car is completely CGI'd except for the characters themselves. The result is a fairly original look. The plot is also pretty original with the main character trapped in a state of limbo with other people from different time periods who must find a way back to his life. This is the perfect example of why I find such great pleasure in low budget movies. Well done sirs!

Love, Biff.










This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Hartz Mountain - Parakeet Training Record (196?)

We hit an estate sale a few weeks back, and the woman who had lived in the house was apparently a bird enthusiast. I went there looking for records, and all they had were these bulky waltz box sets. But, tucked between a few of those was this gem, a 45 from what I'm guessing is the early 60's. It's basically a recording of a woman saying "Hello, baby" over and over. On the other side they have what is supposed to be an actual parakeet talking, but it's clearly some dude.







This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
you fargin' icehole - A sweet insult that may or may not offend your grandma.

Origin - Clearly, I watched my VHS copy of Johnny Dangerously over the weekend.

Usage - "Dude, you're really showing improvement in your dating life."

"Thanks for noticing, dude. I have been trying to class up my life as of late."

"Well, dude, you looked like a pretty classy somanabatch when I gave you the double-eye blinky after you passed out last night."

"Dude, you fargin' icehole."



This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Ways to Spend Your Tax Kicker Check:

10. Hire Trixter to play on your patio
09. A Chevy Luv is always a sweet ride
08. Thanks to the wonders of modern medicine, taint enlargements are now an affordable reality
07. I heard there's a collector's edition According to Jim DVD box set coming out
06. With that kind of scratch, you could get one of them fancy, high class whores with all her teeth and limbs
05. You probably couldn't get anybody killed, but you might be able to have one of your enemies placed in a headlock and noogied for a few hours
04. Fulfill your fantasy of submerging yourself in tartar sauce
03. Finally get that dragon tattooed on your wang
02. Pay some kids to fix a local little league game, and then try to find somebody who's taking bets on local little league games
01. Fill up your car with gas! Am I right people?


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