Gome of the Week
So, while this picture of Snake Eyes is surprisingly sweet looking, it's still a pretty safe bet that the G.I. Joe movie is going to ruin some fond memories of my childhood. It's rumored that Brendan Fraser is going to be playing Gung Ho. That will simply not work for me.













This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
King of the Stallions - Considering that this was filmed 35 years before I was born, I guess I can't take offense that they didn't ask me to star in it.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Hu$tle (2004)

Let's Make Biff Watch Stuff, Vol. 4

It's back to the Tom Sizemore well as he delivers a top notch performance in what might be the role to define his career, that of Charlie Hustle himself, Pete Rose. While I couldn't picture Tom playing Rose, once the flick started I couldn't see anyone else doing it. The film is somewhat tame (it is made for TV after all) but seems to try to stick to whatever actual record there is of the events leading up to Rose's ban from baseball. No one in the flick is even remotely likeable but that won't bother you as you marvel at just how seedy Pete Rose's life was/is. The real shock here is that Peter "I Love Ascots" Bogdanovich directed this. Oh how the ascotted have fallen.

Love, Biff.



Note: If you would like to keep up on the "Let's Make Biff Watch Stuff" debacle, the forum thread is here.





This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Savage! - Tihati's South Seas Spectacular (197?)

Can't find a date on this one, and I feel lucky to have even found a photo for it. Seems to be propaganda to drum up some tourism, as the entire back of the LP is filled with advertisements for Hawaiian hotels and resorts. The record itself is a disjointed collection of island sounds, native drums, and some ukulele music. I keep waiting for the sales pitch, but I'm almost through side one and it hasn't happened yet. Though this does feel slightly racist to me for some reason...







This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
And...scene. - A sweet thing to say to someone after they're done being melodramatic.

Origin - Women be overreactin'!

Usage - "Dude, your former coug will just not stop paging me."

"Dude, that is so weak. I told her to back off."

"Well look dude, she's on me like white on rice. She's waking me up in the middle of the night! I'm losing it! If you don't tell her to give it a rest I'm going to put you and her in simultaneous Perfect Plexes and get a ref so both of you can officially submit and we can get that on record!"




This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things I'm Considering Doing to Get My Fifteen Minutes of Fame:

10. Hanging brain in back of the newscaster the next time they're reporting on a shooting in my neigborhood. It's usually live
09. Cramming my Wii controller up my ass and demanding copies of the x-rays after my painful rectal surgery
08. Assassinating Eddie Money
07. Filming myself drinking a quart of motor oil and then posting it to YouTube before I expire
06. Really getting in there and stalking the shit out of Martina Navratilova
05. Driving my car through the front of a local post office in protest of recent stamp rate increases
04. Setting up a booth downtown charging five bucks for "wang buffing"
03. Winning the Portland Marathon through an intricate system involving body doubles and perfectly timed bus transfers
02. Claiming I played bass on The Archies hit "Sugar Sugar" and demanding immediate compensation, with interest
01. Writing a tell-all book about Bow Legged Lou from Full Force

Cancel One Career