04.06.08

Gome of the Week
I won't go into detail, but I've had my issues with tow trucks and the men who operate them this week. Nothing like waking up on Sunday morning to find that your car has been towed out of YOUR OWN DRIVEWAY. These guys are really fighting the good fight. My hat goes off to you money grubbing, goateed losers!

 

 

 

 

 

 

This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Beamz Infomercial - Easily the most uncool musical instrument in history.

 

 

This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Furnace (2006)

Let's Make Biff Watch Stuff, Vol. 2

I am afraid of no film. This is the kind of dare I like. You can't ask for a better cast then Michael Pare, Tom Sizemore, Ja Rule, and introducing, wait for it, wait for it: Paul Wall. Yes King Crunkenstein himself. Mr. Children Will Starve In The Street While I Carry Around $50,000 In My Teeth doesn't have many lines, thank goodness, as he becomes the first victim of the mysterious furnace. It seems that there is something mysterious and deadly buried in the basement of the prison, a prison that seems to be holding 7 inmates. I could not watch this without thinking about Pare and Sizemore sitting around between takes and discussing where it, and by "it" I mean their respective careers, all went wrong. In all honesty, this wasn't that bad. Be sure to stick around for the bonus features, one of which contains a mind-boggling interview with Tom Sizemore. He mentions his court case like 17 times. It is worth the price of admission alone.

Love, Biff.

Note: If you would like to keep up on the "Let's Make Biff Watch Stuff" debacle, the forum thread is here.

 

 

 

 

This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Rolley Polley - Mad Drums (1960)

I have a bunch of these early 60's drum/percussion records, and they're usually used to show off what was, at the time, crazy new stereo sound technology. This one's in mono, and it focuses more on just some straight up insane drumming. The four minute bongo solo on "I Ain't Mad At You" is not to be missed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
wiss - You don't hear a lot of wiss these days. Cool combo of "wizz" and "piss."

Origin - I don't know, my friends when I was seven?

Usage - "Dude, that was an intense batting cage session."

"Dude, you got that right. And I know how you like knocking balls around."

"Dude, good one. I can feel the burnage. Kind of like your throat when that errant fastball treated you to a little chin music."

"Dude, I am not exaggerating when I say that when that happened, I almost wissed my pants."

 

 

This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Shameful Memories I Have That Involve Nintendo:

10. Age 11, muttering "Duck Hunt? More like Da Cunt."
09. Age 17, staying in my jammies all day playing Super Empire Strikes Back, almost crying, and having my friends come over and try to talk me into showering and going outside
08. Age 13, threatening to break my brother's "button pushin' thumb"
07. Age 19, stealing pot from a friend so I could really enjoy a playoff game of Baseball Stars
06. Age 12, acting like I was friends with some nerds so I could go to their house and suck at Mike Tyson's Punch Out
05. Age 27, spending two weeks in my bedroom printing out tips from the internet and finally beating Super Mario 64. I may or may not have showered during this stretch, it's all pretty hazy
04. Age 28, winging a controller against the wall, watching it shatter, then realizing it was my only controller
03. Age 31, actually considering purchasing the "Deluxe Collectors Hardbound Edition" of the strategy guide for Super Mario Galaxy
02. Age 15, bragging to my girlfriend about how I conquered the Cheese Bridge in Super Mario World. She was not as impressed as I had hoped
01. Age 25, high stakes Tetris in Mexico. I lost a kidney

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