Gome of the Week
Alright Lizard Guy. We get it. You're the most individual individual who's ever individualed. Now get back to Skipper's and wash those dishes.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
You Suck At Photoshop - Yes I do. But I like learning and laughing. Seriously, this is fantastic.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Another South Korean gem, this one. It is a serial killer mystery movie that has about 100 twists and turns. Much of it takes place in a prison interview room but don't worry about that. There is plenty of graphic violence to keep you going. Basically, the cops capture the killer but the murders don't stop. They catch a second and the murders don't stop. And so on and so forth. And what a sweet title.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Jim Dandy - Ready As Hell (1984)
As always, apologies for the crummy image. If my scanner were big enough to hold LPs, we wouldn't have this problem. Anyway, I can't tell you how happy I was to see this gem in the ol' budget bin last week. This is one of those album covers that you see in books, but rarely out on the shelves. The music sounds exactly like that dude looks. Like a poor man's David Lee Roth who can't stop singing about fire and the devil. It's really one of the best/worst things I've ever heard in my life. My copy doesn't say "Black Oak Arkansas" on it, and I don't know what that's about. I could look it up, but I really, really don't care.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
threw the nine in his meatloaf - Burning someone to the point of stopping them in their tracks, stoic with no comeback.
Origin - Raekwon's "Spot Rusherz." Clearly, he's talking about a gun. I'm talking about a verbal gat, yo!
Usage - "Dude, I saw your ex-coug the other night."
"Really? Has her tramp stamp expanded as a result of all her excess back fat?"
"Wow, I sense some hostility. She asked about you."
"Really. Dude, tell me you made me look brotacular."
"I told her you haven't been the same since you weren't treated to her farting on you all night anymore. Her blank stare let me know that I had totally thrown the nine in her meatloaf."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs You Won't Be Voting In The Upcoming Elections:
10. You really excel at double homicide
09. You get all your political news from Dale, that guy who always sits at the end of the bar
08. You feel that politics have really gone downhill since the dream campaign that was Mondale/Ferraro
07. Your family doesn't even let you vote when they're deciding what kind of pizza to order
06. You'd like to, but at the moment, you're really more concerned about the bear that's biting huge chunks out of your back
05. When asked who you like in the presidential race, you say "Uh, the Croation guy?"
04. Still waiting for a candidate with a solid cockfighting legalization platform
03. You need six months to prepare for Burning Man, and four months to recover from Burning Man, so, you know, if the elections happen to fall in that window of time, then cool bro, yeah, fuck it
02. According to your street gang, "Voting is for homos"
01. It's only noon and you've had, by your own estimation, "quite a bit of heroin"
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