Gome of the Week
Truly the resident choadbag of the Food Network. I watched this guy's show for about two minutes once, and as soon as I heard him say that he was going to "de-bling" while he started taking off his various gaudy rings, I couldn't grab the clicker quickly enough.









This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Addicted to Board Games - I'm not sure I should be laughing heartily at this.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Live Free or Die (2006)

This is one of those movies that I desperately wanted to love. And while I definitely liked it, I would not say that it was incredible. Pyro from X-Men 2 stars as a small town kid who wants to be a well known criminal but is too scared to commit crimes. He then finds himself thrust into the real criminal world after a series of minor crimes and misunderstandings. That didn't make much sense, did it? Parts of it are quite funny and there are enough name actors to keep you interested. Zooey Deschanel, Michael Rapaport, Kevin Dunn, and Judah Friedlander (who I normally hate) all turn in comical performances.

Love, Biff.











This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Mtume - You, Me and He (1984)

I think this is one of those projects where the name of the main dude is also the name of the group. Anyway, I guess this guy used to play with Miles Davis, but when the 80's rolled around, he got out the drum machines and took some styling lessons from Cameo.

The music is actually not completely terrible, some of it borders on being fun synth dance music. But, it's one of those albums with only eight songs, so a few are quite long and wanky. Bonus for the extra long and seemingly senseless title of the final track: "To Be Or Not To Bop That Is The Question (Whether We Funk Or Not)." Oh, and they want you to know that it's pronounced "EM-TOO-MAY." I was saying it like "M'Toom." So, you know, I'm glad they clarified.







This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
(Monagamy Mix) - A sweet parenthetical postscript for anything, once you've realized you're in a relationship.

Origin - Long story, but in the 80's there were a bunch of (well, more than one) songs that included this in the title, the most famous being a version of George Michael's "I Want Your Sex."

Usage - "Dude, I dropped my coug, and I've started dating again."

"Dude, that is trump teez. Now, don't go getting all thin mizzy on me."

"Not a chance, dude. I've already met a new lady. It's getting pretty serious. Tonight we're having dinner (Monagamy Mix)."

"Wow, you really do move fast. Well, good luck. I'm going to stay home and see if I can't luck into a one way."



This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Great Things About the Football Season Being Over:

10. No more guys who got denied a liquor license deciding it was time to go to the Superbowl and "shed the blood of the innocent"
09. No longer have to nod and blankly agree when dudes are making small talk about "Sunday's matchups" with me
08. Now the city can concentrate fully on watching the Blazers self-destruct
07. This means the WNBA season is only three months away!
06. The anticlimactic footnote that is the Pro Bowl
05. Can now spend my Sundays not watching other things that have been spoiled by greed
04. Arena League Football starts in two weeks. And you know what the NFL lacks? Walls on the playing field.
03. Maybe now I can stop seeing Peyton Manning on TV buying a pair of Reeboks with his Mastercard while drinking Gatorade and using his Sprint phone to call somebody and talk to them about switching to DirecTV.
02. Terrell Owens should not be allowed in public
01. You can actually hear the jockstraps snapping on at Spring Training

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