Gome of the Week
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: If your Myspace profile photo is of your tattoo, you are a dode.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
The Best Lego Sets in History - Oh, those Space Legos bring back memories...
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Wow. Sometimes they make it too easy for me. Lance Henriksen, Robin Givens and Johnny from "The Karate Kid" team up to bring you what should have been titled "Innerspace 2: End Game." There is a microscopic trigger to a nuclear bomb inside a terrorist. So Lance and Robin shrink themselves in a spaceship and shoot themselves into his bloodstream. They do "Star Wars"-esque battle with white blood cells, among other things, which will bring you endless pleasure. If you want to see an awkward love scene then watch Robin and Lance attempt to acquire some sort of semblance of the concept of chemistry. They don't.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Sniff 'n' the Tears - Fickle Heart (1978)
Apparently the first track on this bland late 70's rock album, "Driver's Seat" was a big hit for these guys. I just listened to it and I don't recognize it. I guess it's on the Boogie Nights soundtrack. Now I'm actually kind of ashamed of myself for not recognizing it. Well, if you want to hear a six piece band that sounds like a four piece, these are your guys. Sweet tour idea: Sniff 'n' the Tears, Drivin N Cryin, and Enuff Z'Nuff. I could get into how they have the worst, not to mention the most grammatically incorrect band name ever, but I won't.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
stubblebag - A sweet way to categorize a douchebag with conspicuous stubble.
Origin - hotchickswithdouchebags.com. And this guy.
Usage - "Dude, my coug and I have fallen on hard times."
"Dude, I'm sorry to hear that. Keep your chin up, things are sure to get better. Or at least you'll always have National Treasure."
"That is true. But dude, she's shacked up with a grade A, class 1 stubblebag. His dog tags are probably in her mouth right now."
"Dude, there's only one solution, and that is Matt Suey."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Ways To Get Your Neighbors To Stop Talking To You:
10. You know those pants you always wear? Lose 'em
09. Water your plants with Kool-Aid, and when your neighbor looks at you funny, look him in the eye and say "Oh Yeah!"
08. Cover all your windows with racing forms that are at least a decade old
07. Get him a Hallmark card that says "To The Guy On The Top of My Hit List..."
06. Take some Polaroids of you gutting a fish shirtless and slip them under his door. He'll get the idea
05. If he's outside as you're driving away, roll down the window and yell "See you at the NAMBLA meeting!"
04. On Halloween, dress up as him and cover yourself in blood. When he asks what you are, say "The future"
03. Try to sell his kids quaaludes
02. Get his dog to drink a big bucket of Hi-C Ecto Cooler. It looks just like anti-freeze. A good laugh will be had by all
01. Ask him over for family mud wrestling night
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