Gome of the Week
If I'm at a show, and you stand in front of me (or even worse reach over my shoulder in a supreme dick move) and take endless pictures of the group on stage, I really consider strapping you into an easily accessible full nelson. When you stand there and take video with your phone, you look like a sad, drunk fanboy. Here's the thing: shitty cell phone cam video footage on YouTube sucks. And cell phone pics suck. You paid to get in. Watch the fucking show, dickface.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Bob Odenkirk on Super Deluxe - He gets my vote for funniest man alive.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Oh, those wacky 70's. The plot is simple: A group of scantily clad college girls start their own sorority with the intention of stealing away all of the frat boys. Short shorts and gratuitous nudity ensues. Danny Bonaduce appears in a supporting role and manages to look both lost and completely at home all at the same time. The mysterious vixen Angie Aames also makes a memorable appearance as Boom-Boom, who skydives topless into a posh dinner party. The climax is an all-girl topless touch football game. No joke.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Steve Arrington's Hall of Fame - Positive Power (1984)
Again, apologies for the sub-par photo, but I guess it's fitting for this extremely sub-par album. And, I'm too lazy to open Photoshop and edit the picture myself. You get the gist, this guy has some fantastic hair and a great attitude. And when it comes to half-assed 80's shit R&B, he's got the whole situation on lock. Kudos to you, Steve, I haven't sat through a side of a record that shitty since, well, I guess I've got to go back to last week. But the cover is frame-worthy and definitely worth the two quarters I plunked down for this slab o' wax.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Nintendonitis - An unfortunate side effect of too much Nintendo. I thought I had left those days behind me, but the Wii will really work your elbows.
Origin - I don't know, Ace Ebb?
Usage - "Dude, my coug and I spent New Year's Eve playing strip Wii bowling."
"Dude, you truly are the portrait of class. If Norman Rockwell were alive, he could just follow you around and help himself to the endless spew of inspiration that is your life."
"Dude, you got that right. The night was good, but I had never had Nintendonitis of the wang before."
"Dude, I don't think that makes sense, and if it does, I don't know want to know how."
This Week's Top Ten List
My Top Ten New Year's Resolutions:
10. Stop my nervous habit of sucking on batteries
09. Clean and oil my wall-affixed basement torture rack every week
08. To save money on water bills, start showering exclusively at my mistress's place
07. Continue to not watch Lost
06. Try my hardest to keep my Stallion levels out of the red zone
05. Do my own research before trusting a friend's recommendation of a prostitute
04. Continue to corner people at parties and share my inside info on the 9/11 attacks
03. Start shaving my chest downward, if I use upstrokes I get red bumpies
02. Find new, creative ways of thinly veiling my hatred of Asian drivers
01. Mount my TV to the ceiling so I can Soloflex while I watch "Next"
Cancel One Career