12.16.07
Gome of the Week
If Michael Anthony's not there, I don't think it's a real VH reunion. How could they not invite him? He's got the best hair plugs out of the whole damn group!
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
30 Years of LucasFilm Christmas Cards - Happy Holidays, ya nerds.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
A Muppet Family Christmas (1987)
There are fewer better ways to enjoy the holiday season than to set down with the Muppets. This is a somewhat obscure television special from the 80's that I taped as a child and have enjoyed every year since. I bought the official video when it was released and am happy I did as I guess it is now somewhat of a rarity, which really is too bad since this is a top notch hour of holiday viewing.
Virtually every character from the Muppet world is here, including the Sesame Street gang and even the Fraggles. I am not too proud to admit that I still laugh boisterously at the running gag of characters slipping on a patch of ice as they enter the house. If you can find this at the video store, do yourself a favor and take the wild holiday ride that only the Muppets can provide. Because we need a little Christmas, right this very minute. Get it? Probably not.
Merry Christmas,
Biff.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Forrest McCullough - Flight F-I-N-A-L (1965)
I went up to Bellingham this weekend, and took some time out to peruse the bargain bins at the downtown Everyday Music. Glad I did, because somebody had just unloaded a bunch of religious records from the 60's that are in great condition. This is perhaps the strangest of the few that I picked up, a narrated journey through the plane ride that will take those who have accepted JC into their lives to their final destination, New Jerusalem. It's creepy, but they make some good points. I'm going to see about subscribing to their newsletter. Check out this blog for more info on this bizarre record and even some sound clips.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
the FBS fauxhawk - The "Ferris Bueller in the Shower" fauxhawk, strictly reserved for the most egregious examples of this travesty of a hairdo.
Origin - I'm off the cuff, you fuckin' amateurs.
Usage - "Dude, my coug and I were at the local breasteraunt this weekend, you know, getting some dinner, taking in a show."
"Dude, you are pure class. And so is your coug."
"Well, Christmas is coming up, and I was feeling the holiday spirit. Anyway, the bass player from some shitty local band came in. He was dressed in all black and rocking a monumental FBS fauxhawk."
"Dude, untight."
"Dude, you got that right. Until his bandmates rolled in behind him and I scored a sweet fauxhawk yahtzee."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things You Can Do To Make This The Best Christmas Ever:
10. Adopt a pet. Unless you're one of those people who wants to get a parrot that sits on your shoulder all the time. You're not a pirate. You're a huge loser. You should probably try something easy. Like a turtle, or not getting out of bed anymore
09. Maybe meet that special someone. I hear there's a terrific bunch of eligible bachelors on Craigslist
08. Get one of those hats with the mistletoe attachment that dangles right above your head. You know what chicks dig? Having their personal space invaded by a sad guy wearing an ugly hat
07. Make up a new group of lies for your resume. It's the gift that keeps on giving throughout the year
06. If you don't celebrate Christmas, don't tell me about it. You're a major buzzkill, bro
05. If you have any heartwarming email tales of the true Christmas spirit, like things that Dave Barry would write but way shittier, please forward them to me so I can officially cross you off my "List of People I Respect"
04. If you're going to give me your whole speech about Christmas being a consumer-driven holiday that is slowly but surely sucking the soul out of our already vapid society, could you not do it while I'm in line with a cart full of shit at Wal-Mart? You're making me uncomfortable
03. For the love of the baby Jesus, avoid The Noid at all costs
02. Go give a toy to the Channel 2 Toy Drive, but when you get down there, insist on personally handing it to "that bastard Gianola," explaining that you "can't wait to see the look in his beady little eyes."
01. Get decked out in a Santa costume, but conviently lose your pants "coming down the chimney"
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