Gome of the Week
It's really neck and neck between Travolta and Cage for hairpiece of the year.








This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Super Mario Bros. Playing Lego Robot - Wow, that looks tedious.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
El Cortez (2006)

I loved the DVD cover and I loved the movie even more. Lou Diamond Phillips is actually great in this weird little noir type thing that all revolves around a seedy hotel. There is a nice supporting cast of odd characters and the plot centers on a man who says he found a literal gold mine in the hills. The acting is great and the dialogue is both witty and very funny at times. Even the end was a bit of a surprise. Who knew Lou still had it? Biff, that's who.

Love, Biff.














This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Gary Ogan & Bill Lamb - Portland (1972)

Couple of guys with a sort of Simon & Garfunkel thing going on, singing some harmony-heavy tracks about love. Looking at the record just now, I realized it's signed by Gary Ogan, on the label of side 2 of the vinyl. It says "To Jamie - Gary Ogan," and then there's a drawing of a stoned looking guy next to the Elektra butterfly. Cosmic. Extra props for the track "Portland Rain."







This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
hobosexual - Someone with no apparent concern for their appearance.

Origin - Doug Martsch, employees at Wal-Mart, etc.

Usage - "Dude, my coug and I are really enjoying this cold weather."

"Dude, that is the bomb-ass chronic. But what's with the dirty parka and your unkempt facial hair?"

"Well dude, I've got a sweet lady with a diamond turd cutter and some trump teez soccer legs, who am I trying to impress anymore?"

"Dude, you smell like a gym locker filled with gouda. Don't go hobosexual on me."

"Dude, you're right. I'll go fire up the Mach 3 Turbo and fill the tub with Drakkar."



This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things Holding Me Back From Realizing My Dreams:

10. Arson: My anti-drug
09. With my new baboon heart, I'm really only able to remain conscious about 4 hours a day
08. Well, throughout my life, I've maintained an uncanny ability to not even complete the smallest tasks required of me
07. Constantly deep, deep, in the darkest depths of a k-hole
06. When someone close to me says something like "Could you please pass the salt?," I usually respond with "Easy, you're on thin ice, motherfucker." And then I don't even pass the salt. I guess I'm not a "people person"
05. My colorful array of Ziggy-themed neck tattoos
04. Despite public outcry and against the advice of close personal friends, I still rock the shit out of parachute pants at every formal event I attend
03. Already realized my dream of seeing the Oak Ridge Boys perform "Elvira" at a County Fair in every state in the continental US; having trouble coming up with a new dream to top that one
02. I spend all day reading these hilarious internet postings about Chuck Norris! Have you seen them? Oh, you know, the ones where they talk about how he's super cool and can do a lot of crazy stuff that he could never really do but he can in these things becase he's Chuck Norris? Holy fucking shit it's like the funniest fucking thing ever and really the only person who could come up with something funnier would probably have to be Chuck Norris himself! I am going to see if I can find a t-shirt that says something to that effect!
01. I ain't much fer fancy book lernin'




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