Gome of the Week
What happens when a couple of nerds move in next to a mildly attractive, sort of bitchy chick?
Nothing that could be defined as "funny," that's for sure.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Winterhawks Teddy Bear Fiasco - I'm assuming Dold had something to do with this.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Android Apocalypse (2006)
When I saw this at the video store I couldn't believe my luck. What had I done to deserve such a treat as this? Joey Lawrence and "The Lionheart" Chris Jericho in a movie about androids? This is why Biff gets up in the morning. Lawrence is hilarious as the cheesy robot like
android and, surprise surprise, Chris Jericho fights people. The special effects are actually good enough to make this entertaining to laugh at. Oh, sorry…it's Joseph Lawrence now. He's all grown up.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Leon Berry - Giant Wurlitzer Pipe Organ Vol. 4 (1958)
Again, sorry for the pic quality, sometimes I have to resort to finding images on eBay. Now this is an LP you can take at face value. It's really nothing more than a dude playing a huge organ. For some reason the liner notes on the back are more detailed than most box sets. I guess there are some bells involved or something. I mean, you've heard "Wedding of the Painted Doll" a million times, but you haven't really heard it until you've experienced it being pumped out of an organ the size of a two car garage.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
A.C. Slatering - Dropping a deuce while sitting backwards on the toilet, the way Slater did with chairs. That's right, chest towards the tank.
Origin - I don't know, but it must be a procedure. You've got to take your pants all the way off, yo.
Usage - "Dude, my coug and I are thinking about moving in together."
"Dude, why would you do a thing like that? You may as well tell your wang to commit Matt Suey."
"Dude, she's so trump teez, she's the only coug for this sweet bro."
"Dude, she'll probably rethink that decision once she sees you AC Slatering with your pants folded neatly on top of the toilet tank."
"Damn you and your hidden bathroom cams."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Ways To Reduce Stress During The Holiday Season:
10. Dip your BVD's in cocoa butter before putting them on. It's a wild and soothing ride that lasts throughout the day
09. Consider doing some charity work. Like seeing that new Vince Vaughn movie
08. Gather up all the coats in the house, pile them on the floor, and burrow yourself in. It'll all be over before you know it
07. Go to the DMV when you have no actual business there. Look at the faces of the people behind the counter. Their hellish lives will make yours seems light and breezy in comparison
06. You know that cockfight you're planning to go to on Friday? Skip it
05. Make yourself some tea, grab a good book, and pop in that new Cannibal Corpse album you've been meaning to listen to
04. Tell your family you've decided to not celebrate Christmas. When they ask why, tell them it's "the holiday reserved for the truest of all ball lickers ." An open exchange of ideas and feelings is sure to follow
03. Get a punching bag. Can't find a punching bag? Get one of those stress balls. Slice it open and eat the stuff inside
02. Go to the local mall, find Santa, and pummel him with a series of clotheslines and cross body blocks. When he's unconscious, look around and yell, "Well kids, there's your precious Santa!" Then say "Wait, he looks thirsty." Urinate on Santa.
01. Just get on the roof with the pellet gun. You're going to end up there eventually
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