Gome of the Week
The world is going down the tubes, and I don't think I'm alone in wishing that we had a new Fugazi album to help us straighten it all out. C'mon, let's pull it back together, guys.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
The Ultimate Stallion - Speaking of the world going down the tubes...
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
The Mean Season (1985)
You know, this movie was actually pretty good. I can watch Kurt Russell in anything. Of all the hams, he's the hammiest. Anyhoo, thisis one of those reporter vs. a serial killer things with some really good twists and a somewhat clever ending. Mariel Hemingway plays the annoying wife.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
The Gaylords - Italia! (1957)
Well, when a record costs 50 cents and it's by a group called The Gaylords, you can't really pass it up. It's just a vocal trio doing some solid renditions of classic Italian songs, but since I'm endlessly immature, the name alone keeps me entertained. From the back cover notes: "Here is an album of Gaylord gems for the millions of devoted Gaylord fans who shout 'Si, si,' at every new Gaylord offering in the music market." Fantastic.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
brain burgers - What I've always called Arby's roast beef sandwiches. Sure it's stupid, but they do look like brains.
Origin - Probaby stemmed from me cracking wise at the TV.
Usage - "Dude, my coug and I are heading out for some fine dining tonight."
"Dude, candlelight dinner at the local Sizzler?"
"I wish. Looks like we're going to make it an Arby's night. She likes to pocket horsey sauce and then rub it on my wang when we get home."
"Dude, you are a man's man. Enjoy your brain burgers and horsey hand job."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Ways The Hollywood Writer's Strike Will Affect Me:
10. May force me to get outside and play sports with my illegitimate children
09. Does that Tila Tequila show have writers? It must, it's way too witty. Oh, what have I done to deserve this?
08. Guess I'll have to start watching reality TV exclusively. What's that one show with all the fuckwads competing against each other to decide who is the reigning king of all teabaggers?
07. It wouldn't hurt to turn off the TV and get back to my first love: coked up flaming arrow crossbow charity marathon target practice
06. I will laugh heartily when all the Heroes nerds are left hero-less. Who's your hero now, nerds? That's probably what I'll say.
05. Will have to see if I can find a feed to Jay Leno's personal podcast. I'll go crazy without my weekly helping of Jaywalking!
04. To be an asshole, I'll probably just tell people that I don't own a TV, because TV is for the weak and mindless. Then, as I walk away muttering something about "sheep," I will feel the heel of their shoe as it impacts on the back of my windpipe.
03. Now, are Vivid Video and Wicked Pictures a part of this whole thing? Because that could be a reason to panic
02. I've always got my art. And by that I mean gluing dry macaroni to old Pepsi bottles
01. As long as I can call in sick to work to watch 12 year old fatties scream "You don't know me!" at other fatties while they flip them off and simultaneously simulate dancing on a stripper pole, I'll be just fine
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