Gome of the Week
I don't really know why, but elderly people who vlog really piss me off. We've got it. You're old and you can use your shitty webcam. Now why don't you put your boring story on hold, down some FiberCon, and take a nice long nap.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
MC Hammer is Back - This kid is a true talent.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
The first thing that made me nervous about this little gem was that Charlie was billed as "Charles Sheen." What is that about? The next sign that I was going to be in for a rough 90 was when the always fear inducing words "Directed by Albert Pyun" ran across the screen. I mean, I celebrate crap, but even I am afraid of Pyun. This guy is like the godfather of garbage. Sheen pulls an Eddie Norton here and basically sleepwalks his way through this little whodunit set in Scotland. Although it didn't totally suck it wasn't half good either. But he does drive a Lamborghini for absolutely no reason. So there.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Hiroshima - Odori (1980)
Another treasure from the bargain bins. I wasn't sure that I hated Japanese disco, but after listening to this, I'd be happy to wear a t-shirt that says so. The whole group (9 total) are Japanese men and women, except for the keyboard player, who kind of has a clean shaven Kenny Loggins thing going on. From the liner notes: Odori (OH DOE REE) means "Dance." Well, it's still just "odor" with an i on the end of it if you ask me.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
mobile composting - A sweet excuse for treating your car like a trash bin.
Origin - Slobs. I am not one of them.
Usage - "Dude, your car smells like a combination of month old Arby's and charred gym socks."
"Dude, don't sweat the technique. If I have to bed a coug in the back seat, I just make sure the soda cups are empty before I roll her on top of them and proceed to give her the half half whole."
"Dude, you are untight. I found a moldy fillet o' fish back there last week."
"Dude, consider it mobile composting. When the trash piles up too high and I toss it out the window whilst driving, I try and make sure that the foodstuffs clear the sidewalk and land in someone's yard, eventually acting as fertilizer."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things Biff and I Did This Past Weekend:
10. Held a round table discussion about the finer points of Ric Flair's career between March of '86 and February of '88
09. Tried to find something that rhymed with "Verne Gagne"
08. Found some really sweet stuff for the website, then upon further inspection realized it was not as sweet as previously declared,
finally settled on a relatively mild sweetness classification
07. Recorded a "We Some Head Bustas" remix that will get the club crunk in every way you can imagine
06. Compared back hair consistency
05. Watched too much wrestling, finally got excessively riled and decided to spike piledrive some punk teens who were loitering
at the local mini mart
04. Lost our wallets to local punk teens
03. Called distant relatives, made death threats with no attempt to disguise our voices, identities, or intentions
01. After explaining to everyone about our 22" necks and our 22" arms, we finally realized we should probably just let the people decide.
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