Gome of the Week
Seagal is suing the FBI for causing his film work to deteriorate to the point of straight-to-DVD releases only. It can't have anything to do with the fact that he looks like one of those dolls you make with your grandma's used up nylons.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Tape Deck - A very incomplete gallery of old cassette tapes, but quite fun to check out. Speaking of old cassette tapes, check out the board if you want to see what I bought myself on eBay this week.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
The Real McCoy (1993)
Okay so yeah, this movie is semi-mainstream but I guarantee you that you have never seen this. And you probably shouldn't. But it is actually quite poorly made and thus quite funny. Val Kilmer is totally pulling an "Eddie Norton" here (purposefully acting poorly because you are pissed about being in a movie. See "The Italian Job.") and his supporting prescence is baffling here. He was hot off "The Doors" and had no business playing second fiddle to the oh-so miscast Kim Basinger as the world famous bank robber. Enjoy.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Butthole Surfers - Widowermaker! EP (1986)
I was at work today and came across some shitty band who had a track called "Bong Song" and it reminded me of this gem. Because there is a song on this called "Bong Song." There is also a song called "Booze, Tobacco, Dope, Pussy, Cars." I'm not a huge fan of Butthole Surfers, but this EP is worth the price of admission simply for 3 of the finest minutes ever comitted to wax, a little track called "The Colored F.B.I. Guy." If you have not heard this song, I would encourage you to get a hold of it. It will change your life. Well, maybe not, but it'll get stuck in your head for days.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England - A way to express your enthusiasm for the looks of a lady.
Origin - NY.
Usage - "Dude, check out Coug patrol over there. That one in the leopard print stretch pants is vibing me big time."
"Dude, I would hit that."
"Dude, I would super ultimate hit that."
"Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Reasons I'm Better Than You:
10. I buy my deodorant at The Sharper Image
09. My undershirts are tagless. Unlike you, you fucking tag wearing loser. 2002 called. They want their tags back
08. I only spank it to porn on Blu-Ray discs
07. They know me by name at the local Sizzler
06. I know what your girlfriend's vagina looks like
05. I once auditioned for "The New Magnum P.I." and they told me I was "Too awesome to portray a mortal, even one who is a private
investigator and drives a Ferarri in tropical areas."
04. Regular Tylenol doesn't work on me, I have to go straight to the extra strength
03. When I pee, it basically comes out all gold looking
02. What're you drinking, Diet Coke? I drink Diet Coke Plus
01. When we're talking on the phone, I'm flipping off the receiver the whole time
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