Gome of the Week
The first Krispy Kreme in Oregon just opened yesterday and they needed cops to direct traffic, on top of the fact that there had been people camping out in front of the place for days.
I guess you must be able to make love to these doughnuts somehow. That's all I can figure.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Bad Movies - Wow. Really bad movies reviewed and dissected.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Night Patrol (1984)
I never thought I would see Police Academy meets The Gong Show, but here it is. The movie stars the Unknown Comic in a dual role that somehow got past the critics in 1984.
It also features B-movie queen Linda Blair and an appearance by then unknown Andrew "Dice" Clay as a worse comic than the Unknown one.
Throw in token little person Billy Barty and some boobies, and you've got yourself a crapfest made in heaven.
Better than Police Academy, that's for damn sure.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Hurricane - The Hurra (1995)
The Beastie Boys' DJ goes solo and is ready to act like the badass he always knew he could be.
Features appearances from Beastie Boys, Sen Dog, and a whole lot of guidance from the one and only Mario C. You can't front on that.
Not a bad record, but he's more of a DJ than a rapper.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Cougar like Mercury - Super coug.
Origin - Your local Lincoln Mercury dealer.
Usage - "Dude, that coug I was with last night was totally going bananas. Plus, her tittoo was hanging out all over the place."
"Dude, what happened?"
"Dude, I was ham-hocked but I had to get out of there. I drove home Popeye style."
"Dude, she must have been a Cougar like Mercury."
"Dude, she was the new crack of cougs."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Best Things to Say to Your Grandma On the Phone:
10. "Bitch please!"
09. "Granny, you can't see my hand, but talk to it."
08. "Hold on, I think my dealer's here."
07. "Am I working? No. Jobs are for suckers."
06. "Wait a second, let me turn down the gay porn."
05. "Remember that time I accidentally saw you naked? That shit ruled."
04. "I hope this shampoo works. These crabs are killing me."
03. "Grandma, you should have seen the rack on this chick I banged last night. We're talking boom! Pow! All that shit."
02. "Yeah, I like white wine too. But I find whiskey helps me forget my problems better."
01. "Can I borrow 30 bucks? I need to go to the Cannibal Corpse show this weekend. I think you'd like 'em. I'll burn you a CD."