Gome of the Week
Well, you know, it was about time someone brought back that cool-ass band-aid style. What is that shit?
Anyway, that new take your clothes off cuz it's hot song is really one of the crappiest things I've heard all year, and I watch Rap City a lot. Master P kicks serious amounts of ass compared to this.
But the pouty lip furry moustache thing somehow works for me. Who knew?
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Ninja Lesson - I think ninja jokes are always funny. This no exception.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Coming Out of Their Shells Tour (1990)
Remember when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle thing got taken way too far? If you don't, here's some proof.
Heck ya, it's the TMNT stage show, aka "The Coming Out of Their Shells Tour." Direct from the Radio City Music Hall in New York City(not kidding), this show is 90 minutes of the turtles singing, dancing, and beating the shit out of Shredder with a little help from Splinter and ace reporter April O'Neil.
Totally awesome or tubular or whatever, you know that stuff they say.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
DLR Band - DLR Band (1998)
In case you were wondering, DLR does stand for David Lee Roth, and yes he does front this band on this bizarre record. Hits include "Weekend With the Babysitter," "Right Tool for the Job," and "Lose the Dress (Keep the Shoes)."
I love Diamond Dave, but dude, don't put Bettie Page on the cover of your record, 'cause that is retarded.
Pretty good album though, sounds like his old shit.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
I attended Stupid University and graduated with honors - Maybe something I would say if I were ready to get in a fight with somebody.
Origin - Stupid University, Twiddleyerballsack, Oklahoma
Usage - "Dude, that's it. I've had it with your shit and it's time for me to beat your ass in front of your chick."
"Fair enough, but I feel like I should let you know that I attended Stupid University and graduated with honors. I don't value my life or yours. I have no reservations about ramming this pool cue up your ass, blunt end first."
"Dude, maybe we can talk this out."
"Dude, start talking."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things That Are/Aren't Funny To Do While Singing Karaoke:
10. Not funny: Reading the words on the screen that aren't lyrics to the song, like "Musical break 12 measures." Pretty lame.
09. Funny: Insulting friends that may be heckling you from their seats. "Hey shut up you gay homo" is fairly effective.
08. Not funny: Trying to do a death metal voice for a song that doesn't need it, like Alanis or Tori Amos. Don't do this.
07. Funny: Bugging the KJ about when your song's coming up when you haven't tipped himat all. Funny in a really sad way.
06. Not funny: Singing "Even Flow" by Pearl Jam and doing a really over the top impression of Eddie Vedder with the mumbling and everything. You are not the first person who has thought of this.
05. Funny: Substituting "taint" for "pain" in "Killing Me Softly." "Strumming my taint with his fingers" makes the song much better.
04. Not funny: Doing the Axl Rose dance while singing "Sweet Child O' Mine." So played out.
03. Funny: Substituting "nut sack" for "Love Shack." Sing "My nut sack is a little ol' place where we can get together." Makes the song tolerable.
02. Not funny: playing the mic like a guitar during a butt-rock solo. Dude, that is so fucking weak.
01. Funny: male nudity. Dudes singing with their pants down is alway awkward in the best, funny way.